Suffering narcissistic abuse seemed a pattern I was destined to repeat until just a few months back, when I realized that I am now 100% armed with all of the information I need to move on from this particular issue.
Because now I can spot a narcissist from a mile away. Not only that, I no longer engage with narcissists.
You see, narcissists rely on the complete bewilderment of their target. Because narcissists are entirely dependent upon an illusory reality for their survival. (The purposeful and continued obfuscation of easily managed facts is a clean-cut indicator of this desperate need.)
An illusory reality that always leaves people asking "Why? Why the fuck did they do that?"
And at first, we want to explain to folks what this dickwad of a human did to us - and possibly to others. Maybe even - for years. Especially when it's criminal.
So, we keep thousands of screenshots, and very detailed notes - showing the gaslighting, the lies, the manipulation tactics, the threats, and abuse.
And we build our case, so that we can prove the psychotic nature of this person's desperate attempt to control their target.
But healthy people can't stay in this energy for long.
Because we are not the ones with the problem.
And nothing we can do will fix these assholes who seem driven by the pettiest of intentions.
So, we heal - and then suddenly that part of our story doesn't matter to us anymore.
Because we suddenly don't care if other people can see just how sad these conniving and manipulative lunatics really are.
We don't care if our side of things is believed. Because their small part of our story doesn't define who we are, not by a fraction.
So, we move on, to bigger and better things - lesson learned.
But... every once in a while... there comes a collision of destinies. When the story evolves, grows wings, and teeth, and venom.
With great joy and laughter now... comes the telling of a tale which once caused me so very much woe.
Because stories... my friends... always always always evolve - when the people involved do.
*Rebel Yell is a completely nonfiction book about some of the shittiest things that have happened to me.
*Out by Christmas.
A few tips from one narcissistic abuse survivor to others:
*Narcissists haven't learned how to regulate their own self-esteem without external validation. (They can't pat themselves on the back and believe it.)
*Narcissists lack emotional empathy and don't feel regret, remorse, or guilt like non-narcissistic folks.
*Narcissists only feel guilty in the moment - because their superpower is quickly finding a way to blame the victim.
*Narcissists only feel sorry for themselves.
*Narcissists don't care about facts, just images.
*Narcissists are egomaniacs.
*Narcissists rely on a fresh supply of 'fans' - because people eventually grow tired of these energy (and sometimes money) vampires.
*Narcissists have to make it your fault. Their lies are your fault. Their failures are your fault.
*Narcissists reveal their insecurities through their criticisms of others.
*Narcissists can't reciprocate your feelings. Because they can not generate higher frequency feelings on their own, and instead rely on others for feelings beyond: anger, rage, guilt, shame, and lust.
*While normal folks work steadily to better themselves, narcissists work desperately to keep up fake public images.
*Narcissists don't understand dharma.
*Narcissists turn off lights. They are running in the dark. And they expect those who run with them to run in the dark as well.
*Any attention is validation to a narcissist. Attention is their drug. Literally. It's neurological.
*Narcissists don't have a rock bottom. They just keep sinking.
*Narcissists can't heal until they do a shit-ton of self-awareness work. And too many are just too fucking lazy to do it.
*I'd bet on a narcissist dead-last. In the long run their motives are just as hollow as they are.
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"From this point of view, narcissistic personality disorder can be explained as a self-centered, desperate, never-ending search for emotional fuel in the form of self-esteem." Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., CGP