BLUE COLLAR vs. WHITE COLLAR - MY SISTER'S TALE

My older sister enjoys showing folks the scars I left on her body, but she never tells the truth on how and why I put them there.

Three-and-a-half-years older than me, my sister was always the 'golden child'.  Though, to me, she was a terror, a nightmare, a demon from the pits of hell come to smother me again with a pillow.

My first clear memory of my older sister is her holding a pillow over my face, as I clawed and clawed at her arms to get her to release me - hence the scars she so confidently displays.

She'd run off to my mum and show her what I'd done, but as a 3-year-old, and less... I had no words to explain how my sister would hold pillows over my head until I passed out.

She hoped I'd die 'accidentally', she told me, as again she'd tell me I was unwanted, the mailman's child, the mistake nobody wanted to deal with anymore.

She was always bigger and taller, and much, much stronger than me... so, I would raise an eyebrow at how she would describe me terrorizing her. 

From as far back as I can recall, I have memories of her abusing me, twisting my arm, shoving my face into anything nearby, sitting on my head.

But her real cruel streak did not hit until High School, but those stories will come later.

The last time I had any dealings with my sister was 6 months after I unfriended her on Facebook, many, many, many years ago now... nearly 20, actually.

She had sent a Christmas gift, a tower of edible treats - filled with stuff that would put my son in the hospital.

I had sent her family a year-long-pass to the Science Museum of Minnesota.  She sent us stuff my son was highly allergic to - and green unripened pears.

When I DMed my sister about it on Facebook she snarked at me, and told me to unfriend her on Facebook if she was such a bad sister.  I told her I had already done so - 6 months before.

I have had no contact with her since, because my sister proved once again she was a danger to my son - even after I had moved him 1200 miles away.

You see, she had already verbally abused him in person, on a few occasions, when she had erupted at my toddler and preschooler for being a kid.

Mental illness runs in my family, and most of it stems from secret abuse.

I can't say what forms of abuse my older sister suffered before I was born, but I know I became the acceptable target after I was.

I know I tried to have a 'normal' relationship with her on many occasions, but her violent temper and glaring personality issues made it impossible.  I hear she's been receiving help - I hope for her family's sake it has helped.

During one of the times I tried to make it work with my sister, she happily explained to me how she, because of her husband's career at one of the nation's top accounting firms, was white-collar, and I was blue collar, thanks to my HVAC maintaining husband.

I actually hadn't known, or thought to find out about such cultural distinctions (due to being an abused neurodivergent my whole life, I suppose), until she pointed them out to me.

White vs. Blue... was how she thought, and as a golden child I guess it makes sense.  She was trained to think just like those who praised and rewarded her.  She was taught to emulate the abuse she witnessed.

And I simply don't care to have a relationship with someone who actively wanted me dead since I was born.  Someone who left deep scars on my heart.  But I do regret not having a relationship with her kids.  I hope they've escaped her... tendencies.

But it's the fact she was afforded EVERY educational advantage - while I was sabotaged repeatedly in very detailed and specific ways - that stands out now, as I face my upcoming graduation.

Had I been given half of the allotment of hope, love, care, and support my sister received, if my parents had actively protected me from the abuse I received at her hands - I would have graduated early, from a prestigious college (one I had been accepted to in HS).

I would have been set on a path long ago - for success.

Instead I was married off at the age of 20 - to a horrendous criminal - who abused both me and his son. 

While my sister sat on tens of thousands of dollars of MY INHERITANCE that would have set me free.

Instead of being at the pinnacle of my career in the prime of my life, I am just now facing the graduation that should have happened long ago, while at the same time I'm dealing with medical complications made worse via the systemic abuse I faced as a child.

And I have my family to thank.

When you look at someone's education status - you must see all of the choices other people made for them - outside of their control - that put them in the position they are in.

It is not down to my family - I am here - with graduation finally on the horizon.

No... that accomplishment is due only to my incredible resiliency, and the fact I am working to be better for everyone - not just myself. 

And it;s down to the love and support my son provides.

My family... no longer includes the abusers of my past.

Instead, through the pursuit of education and mental health, I have left all of my abusers in the past - where they belong.

Moving forward, towards graduation, I carry with me only the lessons they've taught me - and the love of my son.

Because through it all the bond with my child has only grown, as he has had to witness what an evil family looks like -  and what it takes to heal from it.

If your family is holding you back from a positive future - consider reclassifying them, and then acting from that definition.

Family should not harm one another, and when those who abuse refuse to be held accountable, refuse to take responsibility, and more importantly refuse to change - family disintegrates and all you're left with are strangers with ill intentions.

I didn't do anything to cause my father to exploit my childhood or force me to marry a violent man.  I didn't do anything to my older sister to make her repeatedly (FOR YEARS) hold pillows over my face until I passed out.

I was simply born into a predatory family.

The first step in true education - is facing the reality of your past.  Regardless of who it hurts.

A closed throat chakra won't allow you to evolve - so you must learn to speak your truth - no matter the cost.

Namaste,
The Storyteller  

 
“Childhood trauma does not come in one single package.”  Asa Don Brown

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