Sleaze Land – Chapter 15 (Hey Diddle Diddle) Part 1
“Anyone could be an idiot or a jerk, separately, but the combination of ignorance and meanspiritedness--that was special.” Jean Hanff Korelitz
“Help me put out the fire,” Tiny said to a wrinkled old man that sat in one of the row boats.
“Him? Why him?”
“Why not him?” Tiny said to the small man he adored in a big way. And then he pulled him from his shoulders and set him inside of a metal box that had previously been used to ship camera equipment.
“Now you stay in here, until I come and get ya. Ya don’t want them lizards finding ya first,” Tiny told the man who was still dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, as he shut the metal door that had been previously perforated with airholes.
“Sure, sure,” the young man who looked just like a second-cousin to Harry Styles said, with so much aplomb Tiny almost believed he wasn’t at all scared. Almost, but not quite.
“I promise, sweet thing,” Tiny told the twenty-something-year-old, as he placed a kiss on the top of the box, “I won’t let nothing bad happen to you.”
And then a moment later he threw the bald man from the row boat over his shoulder and made his way towards to the blazing inferno that had once been a RAD tower.
“I don’t see what you want me to do,” the nearly ancient man said, as soon as the lederhosen wearing giant sat him on the ground.
“You’ll see,” Tiny told him, as he walked straight at the enormous column of flames.
“Ya see… this ain’t yer ordinary fire,” he said, as he turned back to look at the now petrified man.
“This… is a Fire Witch, come for her sacrifice.”
“I told ya,” he screamed at the fire, “I’ll bring them to you.”
In response, the fire instantly shot up another hundred feet in the air.
“You can have them in the morning. After they’ve been introduced to the paying crowd. As I told ya, ya fucking nutbar, sheesh!” Tiny said the last as an aside, and quite under his breath.
But for another second, the fire seemed to grow. But then, after a tense moment where most of Tiny’s bushy eyebrows were lost, the fire retracted into the shape of a small, but large chested woman.
“I want them. They’re mine,” the very womanly shaped Fire Witch told the alien as she strode past him, and then the bald man he’d dropped on the ground.
“Now!” Tiny hollered to the old man, who simply looked up at the woman who had fire snakes for hair…
With a loud bellow the woman blazed into thin air.
“What… what just happened? The bald man who had forgotten his own name asked, as he was now more confused than ever.
“You humans don’t know half of what’s going on, and the half you do know ya got all wrong.”
The bald man just shook his head and then scrunched up his forehead, as he tried to work out what the large lederhosen wearing man was saying.
“You’re an Ice Giant. Or at least you’re the decedent of the Ymir. Mortal enemies of Fire Witches. Bet you wish you’d known that one sooner… eh?” Tiny asked playfully, almost as if he’d like to ruffle the man’s hair, if only he had some.
But the confused man simply replied, “known what?” because dementia and drug use had addled his brain to the point of mush.
“Never you mind. You just wait here and someone (or something) will be along to get ya. Ya?” Tiny told the man as he gave him a gentle push on the shoulders until the man was happily seated on a metal park bench.
Off in the distance Tiny could see the glowing eyes of the predatory goannas that populated the island, and then considered if he was doing the right thing… all things considered.
But then he recalled what only a few humans, but all of the alien visitors knew, everyone who didn’t already have a ride off this rock was already technically dead.
So, he just shrugged his shoulders and turned away from the old man everyone used to call a Christmas hero, and loped back towards the metal box that housed his only friend.
© Raena Exe 2022
*Inspired by life.
*All characters, places, and events are completely fictional.
*All rights reserved
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